I'll Be Waiting
by MDFawn
Summary: My version of how Nuke should have ended.


Noah rubbed his eyes. Looking at a screen for several hours, too much caffeine and late hours weren't mixing well as he tried to finish the final edit on his project. He needed to get it to his advisor, Audrey, by 9 a.m.

"Noah!" A female voice called from the doorway behind him, but he was straining to hear dialogue over his headphones.

"Noah! Phone!" The voice called again, more insistently.

Noah ripped off his headphones in frustration and spun around to face the voice that was interrupting his process. "Shelley, tell Audrey I'm working as fast as I can." He yelled, finally losing his patience.

His fellow film student stood, nonplused, at the doorway. "It's not Audrey."

"Well, tell whoever it is I don't have time. I'll call them back tomorrow." He said already turning and starting to put the headphones back on.

"That's what I told her the last three times she called." Shelley said. "This time she's not leaving a message and said she'd hold until I got you to come to the phone."

Noah turned back. "She?"

"Yeah, some woman named Lily . . ." Shelley began but stopped and quickly stepped out of the way as Noah launched himself out of his chair and raced past her and out the door.

He skidded to a halt next to the front desk and grabbed the phone laying there.

"Hello." He said, still trying to catch his breath. "Lily?"

"Noah!" Lily's voice breathed over the phone. Relief evident even in the two syllables that she had said.

"Lily, what's wrong." He asked, fear gripping his heart. "Is Luke . . . is he okay?"

He could hear Lily taking in a breath to calm herself.

"He's fine, Noah. I'm not calling about him. I'm calling about . . . " Lily's voice shook.

Noah had started breathing again but Lily's voice froze him. He waited, fearing what she had to say.

"Lily?" He asked after a few seconds silence.

Lily's voice came over the phone line in barely a whisper. "It's Emma."

Noah closed his eyes as he reached out and gripped the desk to steady himself. "What happened?"

"Noah, she had a heart attack yesterday." Lily stopped and Noah waited almost hoping that she wouldn't continue. "Noah, she died baby."

A small cry escaped his lips as he collapsed into a nearby chair. He didn't realize he was shacking until he lifted his hand to his face to wipe away the tears that were pouring down his face.

His chest was aching from where his heart was clinched. He hadn't really felt anything when he learned his father had killed his mother, Cherie Love. When his father had jumped into the harbor in New York and he had thought he was dead he had grieved, but that was more about guilt than anything else.

This was different. This was a woman he loved. Emma had always made him feel like he belonged. Never the outsider, even after he'd come out to LA. He'd been surprised when he'd gotten the first e-mail from her. I mean, this was Emma Snyder, Noah actually didn't even know she knew how to turn on the computer. Care packages had followed, full of Oatmeal Raisin cookies and little things she felt he'd need. He hadn't admitted to her that he looked for them eagerly every couple of weeks.

Noah realized as he sat trembling that the last e-mail had been almost 10 days ago when she had told him about her hope for a Holden and Lily reconciliation

"Noah?" Lily asked in a shaky voice.

"Lily, how's everyone? Oh, God, Holden." He whispered, trying to get his emotions back under control.

"I think we're all in shock." She answered. "Noah, come home."

He sat, shacking, wishing that the thought of Oakdale as 'home' didn't hurt so much. "I don't know if that would be a good idea for anyone, Lily." He said faintly.

"Noah, whether you're with Luke or not, you're a member of this family." Lily nearly sobbed. "Emma thought of you as her grandson. Come home. We need all our family here right now. I need you. Holden needs you."

Noah's heart broke a little more at the exclusion of the one name he longed to hear needed him.

"Holden's got plenty of family, you, to take care of him." His protests sounded lame even to his own ears.

"I think you know that Holden has always seen a lot of himself in you. He loves you Noah. We all do." He could tell that Lily was on the verge of tears again. "Who do you think helped Emma put those packages together and mail them to you? Come home."

What little resolve Noah had crumbled at the sound of Lily's pleading words.

"I'll come, Lily." He whispered. "I'll call you with the flight number and time."

He swore he could almost feel Lily's smile through the phone. "Lucinda's already sending the plane for Aaron in Seattle." She breathed. "If you hadn't said, yes, Aaron already said he was going to come and drag you to the airport himself."

Noah smiled at that image because he knew that Aaron would be true to his word. Aaron had actually visited him twice since he'd moved out to LA, both times it had felt like a big brother was visiting.

Noah swallowed the sudden lump that appeared because he was sure that Emma had been behind the suggestion to Aaron to visit him.

"Tell me when and I'll be at the airport." Noah assured her. "And Lily . . . please tell everyone that I'm so sorry and I love them."

"I will, baby." Lily whispered. "We'll see you tomorrow."

Noah sat as the line went dead and he put the receiver down. He was going back to Oakdale. Going back for Emma's funeral. Noah sat, realizing that he feared the feelings and emotions that he would have to deal with more than he dreaded seeing Luke. Seeing Luke with him.

Luke thought that the weather and the very world itself was mocking them. It really shouldn't be this beautiful out, this sunny, this warm for late September when all he wanted right now was clouds, rain and cold. Cold to match how he felt right now.

Cold and lonely without his Grams. Without Emma Snyder holding the family together through anything. Who was going to do that for them now?

Luke stood in the corner of the farm's kitchen watching as more of his extended family arrived. They were coming in from all over. Aaron was coming in, Lucinda having sent her plane for him yesterday. Everyone here to lend support to get through a day no one saw coming.

Luke glanced over to the entrance of the parlor and saw Reid sitting on the sofa flipping through the channels on the television. If anyone could look any more uncomfortable and out-of-place, Luke hadn't met them.

Family wasn't what Reid did well. In the seven months that they had been dating, the number of times they'd spent with Luke's family had actually decreased. At first, Reid had tried. Joining him at family dinners at the farm, but they had always been awkward at best. Reid didn't do small talk well either. After, several failed attempts Luke just stopped accepting the invitations. Started making excuses why they couldn't come. Wasn't that what you were supposed to do for the person you loved? Make it easier for them? Luke loved his family, but they could be overwhelming even on the best of days.

Luke jumped as a warm arm went around his neck onto his shoulder. He turned to look into the sad, but warm eyes of his Aunt Meg.

"Hey kiddo, how are you holding up?" Meg asked with a sad smile.

"Fine. How about you?" Luke whispered as he gave her a hug.

"It's hard to believe she's gone. That she's not running around this kitchen getting all the food ready." Meg swallowed hard as she gazed around at the gathered family. Luke had to swallow a sudden lump too as one appeared in his own throat.

Meg quickly looked over his shoulder into the parlor and frowned. "If you need someone to talk to . . . you know, if you just need someone." She stopped not knowing how to go on.

Luke drooped his gaze to the floor. "I'm fine. Reid's been there for me. He just doesn't do the family thing all that well."

Meg stood, gazing at her nephew. She was chewing on her lip wondering if she should say what was on her mind.

"All right." She said doubtfully. "Let's go outside and get some air."

"Sure." Luke smiled, happy that she had dropped the line of questioning.

"Babe." Luke turned and called to Reid. "I'm going outside for some air, why don't you come with me?"

Reid looked up and caught sight of his boyfriend and his aunt and quickly shook his head. "You go, I'll be fine here."

Luke stood, eyes locked with his boyfriend's before silently turning and heading outside. As they stepped out into the yard they both stopped and smiled at the sight that greeted them. It seemed that the younger generation had decided it was time to challenge the older one to a classic Snyder softball game and at the moment Holden was on first base with Jack ready at bat. Parker, Sage, Faith, Natalie, even Ethan and J. J. were arrayed in the outfield ready to defend the younger sets honor.

Parker made a show of pitching to his father. Jack swinging and missing in quick succession. As Jack took good natured ribbing from Seth everyone turned as a car suddenly turned into the farms long driveway and made it's way slowly toward the house.

Luke saw his mother, Lily, throw her hands up to her mouth in what could only be described as anticipation. The black sedan came to a stop just short of the field and as the driver's side door opened a happy murmur ran through the family as a sadly smiling Aaron stepped out and closed the door.

Holden quickly walked over and pulled his eldest son into a quick embrace, silent tears trailing down his face. As he pulled back Aaron said something and Holden's head snapped around as the passenger side door quietly opened and out stepped a nervous Noah.

If Noah harbored any reservation about his greeting it vanished as a broad smiled broke out on Holden's tired face. He strode over quickly and scooped Noah into a warm embrace.

"Noah!" was heard quickly going from person-to-person. "It's Noah!"

"Did you know Noah was coming?" Meg asked as she turned, smiling, to Luke. Her smile faded as she saw the look of almost fear that was on his face. "Luke?"

"No, I didn't." He whispered.

"Noah!" Three voices seemed to scream in unison and Noah and Holden broke their embrace to face the on coming rush that was Faith, Natalie and Ethan.

He watched as a huge smiled spread across Noah's face as Luke's younger siblings raced across the field toward his ex-boyfriend. Ethan was quicker than his sisters as he launched himself at Noah who caught him and spun him around. Faith and Natalie practically danced in place waiting for him to put Ethan down and then they were both hugging him and kissing his blushing cheeks.

Luke watched as other members of his family stepped up to welcome both him and Aaron home. He noticed that the seven months in LA looked good on him. Luke's mouth dried as he noticed that the blue sweater he had given Noah two Christmases ago seemed tighter and that Noah seemed to have a bit of a tan which only enhanced his eyes. His blue eyes he could see suddenly fall on him from across the yard.

Their eyes locked and Luke could see happiness there but also a sadness. Noah gave him a small smile before he turned to hug Lucinda who had finally made her way to his side.

Luke turned away, his heart suddenly racing, right into Reid who was standing in the screen porch doorway. Luke could only hold a stare for a moment before he rushed past Reid into the kitchen, which was suddenly empty.

He heard the door slam shut and Reid's footsteps behind him. Standing. Waiting.

He couldn't take the silence and blurted. "I didn't know he was coming."

Reid's response was interrupted by the sound of the screen door slamming open and closed again, followed by the entrance of a brightly smiling Lily. She stopped in mid-step when she sensed the tension between the two men.

"I have to go back to the hospital for rounds." Reid said quickly as he turned toward the door.

"Wait." Luke whispered and stepped toward his boyfriend. "Don't go."

Reid looked over his shoulder and down at the hand that was placed on his sleeve. His eyes lifted, looking into hopeful brown. "I have to." Was all he said before he turned and he was out the door.

Luke stood quietly looking at the shaking porch door. "Why didn't you tell me he was coming?" He forced out in a strained whisper, slowly turning to face Lily.

"I thought you would assume that he'd be here. He's a part of this family whether you two are together or not." Lily snapped. The emotion of the day was hard enough without having to deal with an irritated son.

Luke just continued to glare. "Didn't it even occur to you how . . . uncomfortable him being here would be for me? For Reid?"

Lily glared right back at her eldest son. "You know what, Luke, for once this isn't about you. It's about your father losing his mother."

Lily walked over to the refrigerator and opened the door, but she had already forgotten what it is she came in for. She slammed the door with more force than was necessary. She whirled around to face her still scowling son. "Your father needs everyone right now to just get through the next few days. Emma thought of Noah as another grandson. Her and Holden have been talking to him and sending him things ever since he left for LA, making sure that he knew that he still had a family."

She stopped and took a breath to see the look of almost shame on his face. "Don't think because you want to forget that he was a huge part of your life for the last three years, that we're going too. He's a part of this family and he loved Emma very much and she loved him."

Luke sagged against the counter and glanced down. All he could think about was how everything had just gotten so much more difficult. "I've never forgotten about him, Mom." He whispered, his voice held a quivering quality to it. "You just should have told me."

Luke's eyes snapped up and captured his mother's. "You just should have told me."

Noah slammed the trunk of the rent-a-car shut as he and Aaron picked up their bags, heading for the farm. Holden had ended the attempt by Noah to find a place to stay in town and it had been decided that he and Aaron would bed down in the parlor.

They were brought up short by a quietly fuming neurosurgeon who stopped in front of them, blocking their path.

Noah and Reid locked eyes and Noah had a sudden urge to replay their last meeting at the Lakeview.

"Reid." Noah said, he looked over and saw Aaron giving his younger brother's new boyfriend the once over.

"So you're Reid?" Aaron smirked. "I'm Aaron, Luke's big brother."

Reid had a brief look of confusion as he turned to Aaron and then his brow smoothed as a memory seemed to connect the name with a face.

"Oh, right. You're the one that also almost got married to our fine Nurse Stewart." He asked in a deadpan manner. "Has any straight man under 50 in this town not been engaged to her?"

Aaron's face immediately reddened as he looked at the man in front of him. He quickly turned to Noah who was standing, fuming next to him. "If you don't punch him again, I WILL." Aaron said before he shouldered his way past the blank-faced surgeon.

Noah glared at Reid. "Don't you ever talk about Allie that way again."

Reid glared right back. "So is that why you're back? To punch me again."

Noah shook his head and a short bark of a laugh escaped his lips. "You're too much, Oliver. I'm here because a woman I love very much just died and the family I care about needs everyone to help them through it."

"Really? Anyone in particular in that family that you think needs you?" Reid snapped back, for the first time his anger bubbling to the  
surface.

For his part Noah only smirked. "If HE needs me, sure."

Reid's face suddenly turned the color of some of the early autumn leaves. "He's moved on. Moved up. He doesn't need you or your conditional love any more."

They both stood, breaths apart. Noah stepped back, picked up his duffle bag and started to make his way around a quietly seething Dr. Oliver. Noah stopped when he was standing right next to him and leaned in next to his ear.

"If Luke's happy then you've got nothing to worry about, do you?" He whispered and then continued his journey to the bustling farm house.

Reid stood silently watching him.

Luke stood in the corner silently watching. Watching Noah. Feeling Noah from all the way across the room. Noah had made it into the kitchen followed by Luke's younger siblings until Holden had saved the young man by ordering the younger Snyder's outside.

Luke had stood mesmerized as Noah was welcomed home. Casey hugging him in a classic Casey Hughes embrace with Allie crying like a 12-year-old.

Lily and Meg had brought a typical blush to his face as they hugged and kissed him, telling him how much he'd been missed. Chris Hughes had gone over slapping Noah on the shoulder while Katie tried, unsuccessfully, to sneak looks at Luke.

Jack had stood smiling like an idiot as he watched as Noah was once again embarrassed as Carly teased Noah about how cute he was and had he made any new "friends" while out in LA.

Carly was nothing if not subtle, Luke thought, as he watched Noah blush even deeper and their gazes locked when he looked in Luke's direction.

It had been an hour and things were now calmer as his mother, Meg, Carly, Holden and Jack were outside getting the food together.

"Honestly, this is just too weird." Allie said smiling at the men surrounding her.

"What?" Noah laughed.

"Well, with the exception of you, every other man standing here I've dated."

Aaron nearly chocked on the soda he was drinking as he quickly shot a look in Noah's direction. The look didn't go unnoticed by Allie.

"What?" She asked nervously.

Noah recovered quicker than Aaron. "Nothing. That is a little weird."

"Yeah." She said looking doubtfully between Noah and Aaron and then at Casey and Chris. "All right, I'm going outside now. It's just getting too, too weird."

They all smiled as they watched Allie head out the door of the kitchen to join the rest of the crowd waiting for food.

"So, Aaron's been down to see you in LA, Noah?" Casey asked as he took a drink of ice tea.

"Twice actually." Noah smiled. "He's a hit in the LA gay bar scene."

For a second time Aaron nearly chocked while taking a drink that afternoon.

"Aaron?!" Chris leered in his direction. "Gay bar scene? Noah, you've got to tell that story."

"Thanks, Noah." Aaron punched him playfully in the shoulder.

"Not a problem, man." Noah smiled and winked at Casey.

Aaron rolled his eyes. "I came down to visit Noah and the Boy hadn't even put himself out on the gay market in LA."

Casey listened and just could see over Noah and Aaron's shoulder Luke lurking in a corner of the kitchen, listening.

"So you decided you, Aaron Snyder, were going to be the one to introduce him?" Chris laughed.

"He just needed to have someone drag him out that's all." Aaron smiled.

"Except, he was a bigger hit than I was at the clubs." Noah wiggled his eye brows in an attempt to leer in Aaron's direction. "He was really popular."

"Hey, when you got it, you got it. It doesn't matter what team you're playing for." Aaron said with a self assured sigh.

"I think Aaron had a few guys offer to convert him to their team." Noah laughed.

"Well, once you put yourself out there, you weren't doing half bad." The other man said seriously.

Chris and Casey both watched as Luke silently left the corner and headed for the door and outside. As he made his way across the kitchen they both noticed Noah suddenly tense up.

Chris shook his head. "How do you do that?"

Aaron who's back had been to the whole scene asked in confusion. "Do what?"

Chris and Casey just stood, staring at Noah.

"I can always sense when he's in the room." Noah said as he looked down at the drink in his hand. "Always have."

"Go after him." Casey demanded.

"I can't." He whispered.

"You still love him, don't you?" Casey tried again.

Noah didn't answer. He didn't trust his voice.

"Yes." Aaron answered for him. Noah shot him an accusing look.

"Then go after him." Casey nearly yelled at his pig-headed friend.

"He's with him." Noah simply answered.

"No, Luke isn't with Reid." Casey shook his head. "That guy that looks like my friend, Luke Snyder, may be dating Dr. Oliver but that man isn't the Luke I know. The Luke that was with you."

"Casey." He whispered desperately.

"Noah, look I wasn't around when you two were together but this Luke and the Luke I knew before I left are two vastly different people." Chris said looking at the bowed head of the man in front of him.

"Don't tell Katie I said this, but Reid's a douchebag." Chris said with a smile.

Luke stood watching the placid surface of the pond. He envied it. He wished his emotions were as calm.

He'd hoped that coming down here would help with how he was feeling after suddenly seeing Noah again. It was much easier thinking of Noah as his ex when he was 3,000 miles away, quite another when he was in the same room with you. Yeah, being in the same room  
definitely made it a whole lot harder to remember the ex-boyfriend thing. Especially, when Noah was looking . . . well like Noah.

Luke shook his head trying to clear the images of his ex from his mind. He had to remember that he had a current boyfriend. Reid. Reid, the easy choice. Reid, who he didn't have to fight to love. Who wasn't complicated and a struggle to love.

He was unlike Noah in so many ways. But not all of them good if Luke were honest. He loved Reid, he did. It was different from the love he and Noah shared . . . had shared, he corrected himself. But wasn't that what he had wanted. A different love. A better love. A more mature love. A love not so all consuming because that's what his and Noah's had been. It had consumed him, been his whole life.

He stood looking out at the pond, watching the sun light play on the surface and then he felt it. The electricity, the charge he always felt whenever he was near.

"Noah." Luke said as he looked down at the ground.

"Luke." Noah said to the back in front of him. He could see the tension across Luke's shoulders as he stood, looking down at the ground in front of him.

"It's good to see you." Luke said as he slowly turned around to come face-to-face with Noah for the first time in almost six months.

"Really?" Noah whispered as he took in the sight of Luke standing right there in front of him. Not the Luke that haunted his dreams but Luke Snyder, flesh and blood.

Luke stood, staring into his blue eyes, seeing the questions there. "Yes, really. You look great. Hollywood looks good on you."

Noah chuckled. "Yeah, I wouldn't know. Haven't seen much of it what with the project and all."

A heavy silence hung between them as they looked everywhere but at each other.

"I'm glad you could come . . . home to be with the rest of the family right now." Luke said around the lump that quickly appeared in his throat. "I know Emma . . . Emma loved . . . " Luke couldn't go on. Just the thought of Emma in the past tense suddenly made him want to cry.

Noah saved him. "I now she did. I loved her too. Very much." Noah stopped, breathing out a quick breath and shoved his hands in his front pockets Sudden tears springing to his eyes as he looked down and away from Luke. "I don't know how to do this, Luke."

"Do what?" Luke asked as he watched Noah's downcast head.

"Let go. Say good-bye to someone I love." Noah whispered, tears chocking his voice. "My mother and father, when they died or I thought they died it didn't . . . it didn't hurt like this, Luke. I don't know if I know how to deal with no more Emma in my world."

Luke's heart shifted in his chest as Noah looked up and he saw in his eyes the pain of losing someone that had become the grandmother he never had. Before he even realized what he was doing Luke stepped closer and pulled Noah to him, crushing him in a strong embrace.

"It'll be okay, Noah." Luke whispered in his ear. "We'll all get through it together."

Noah buried his face in Luke's neck and silently wept. The tears coming after holding them in for the last day. Hot, draining tears that quickly soaked Luke's shirt.

Luke stood there holding Noah and slowly rubbing his back as he cried. They had been standing there like that for a few minutes when Luke finally realized what he'd done without even thinking. He slowly pulled back and got a good look at Noah's tear streaked face. Noah could see the hesitation, fear, in Luke's face as his eyes suddenly darted around, past Noah's shoulder as if expecting someone to appear and find them, like this.

Noah stepped back out of the embrace. "He's gone."

Luke quickly took a step back and his hands came together in almost a wringing manner as he tried to fane a confused look. "What?"

"Reid. He's gone." Noah said as he wiped the last of his tears off of his cheeks with the back of his hand.

"Oh." Luke said as he looked distractedly over Noah's shoulder toward the house.

"Yeah, he's already given the ex-boyfriend "he's moved on now get lost" speech." Noah said as he glared out over the pond.

Luke's eyes snapped back and saw the heat in Noah's eyes and felt . . . something in his chest. "You don't have to leave town." He began.

Noah's head snapped around. "Who said I'm leaving?"

Luke blinked his eyes at the sudden irritation in Noah's voice. "I didn't . . . I mean, the "now get lost" speech. I don't want you to think that you have to leave because of Reid."

Noah stood, silently staring at Luke for an uncomfortable few moments. Luke was about to ask what he's problem was.

"I'm not leaving town." Noah grated out, staring right into Luke's eyes. "Are you happy?"

It should have been a simple question but immediately Luke remembered a certain New Years.

**_ "You think I'm a coward, don't you?  
No, I don't and I shouldn't rag on you. You're here with me and that's enough. Really.  
Hum?  
Hum? What?  
I was just thinking. This would be a really nice time to dance.  
Yeah?  
Just one question? Who leads?  
No one even noticed.  
See. Nobody cares.  
Luke? Are you happy?  
Yeah."_**

Luke tried to shake himself out of the flood of memories.

**_"You know, I'm really glad we waited.  
Why? Because I don't look like that anymore?  
No! I know we did wait for a long time but it was worth it. Are you happy?  
Happy doesn't even begin to cover it."_**

"Luke?" Noah's voice pulled him out of the memory.

Luke stared, shocked. "What?"

"I asked if you were happy?" Noah said not dropping his stare.

"That's not your job any more, Noah." Luke whispered as he walked quickly past. Noah reached out and stopped him. His hand seemed to burn a brand into Luke's elbow where his hand held him.

"Making you happy was never a job." Noah's voice shook slightly as he gazed into Luke's eyes.

Luke pulled his arm gently out of Noah's grasp and quickly walked away toward the farm house.

The next day Mother Nature must have gotten the memo. It dawned with gray skies and clouds that seemed to threaten any moment to open up and wash them all away in a torrential downpour. The perfect day to bury Emma Snyder.

They all stood by the side of the grave site. Emma had wanted simple. A simple ceremony and then a quite burial next to her beloved Harvey. Holden, Meg, and Seth all stood quietly watching as they slowly lowered the casket into the open grave and everyone else slowly began to file away from the site to allow them time for their final good-byes.

Noah stood with Casey and Allison as they all milled around. There was going to be the official wake at the Lakeview but it seemed that no one really wanted to leave. If they left, than they'd have to admit that yes, it was true. Emma was gone.

Luke was standing off to the side, between Lily and Reid. Noah could tell that he was upset, nearly coming apart at the seams. All he wanted to do was to go over and grab him and hold him and tell him everything was going to be all right. But that wasn't his place anymore, that was his place.

Noah stood, seething. Luke stood lost and Reid did . . . nothing. No embraces, no touches to let Luke know that he wasn't alone. That he had someone with him that loved him and would hold him together. He had to look away before he did something altogether inappropriate.

Allie saw his face as he turned and the emotion there. Anger. "Noah, what's wrong?" She quietly asked.

Noah wouldn't look at her he just continued to stand looking at the ground. She looked over to Casey who just shrugged, not  
understanding his friend's mood either.

Allie stepped up beside Noah and put her hand on his arm. "Noah?"

Noah whipped his head around to look in Luke's direction again. "Why isn't he doing anything?" Noah forced the whisper out.

Casey looked over at Luke with concern. "Isn't doing what?"

Noah just shook his head and looked away again.

"Noah, what?" Casey hissed, Allie also looked concerned.

Noah let out a deep breath. "Him. Reid. He's not doing anything. Luke needs . . . needs to be held. To know everything is going to be all right and Reid's . . . he's just standing there. That's not what Luke needs right now."

Allie gripped Noah's arm slightly drawing Noah's attention. "How do you know what he needs, Noah?"

"Because I know him." Noah says and looks away again.

As they entered the room at the Lakeview where Emma's wake was being held the guests were greeted by pictures. Dozens of pictures of Emma and her family. Her life in Oakdale. Noah was slowly walking around the room looking at these when he was brought to a halt by one in particular. It was a picture of him at his second Thanksgiving at the Snyder's. It was the year he and Luke had been broken up and the whole secret about Bryan was still a secret.

He was standing in the kitchen looking down at the huge "Hubbard Squash" and Emma was standing next to him looking up at him and had his face between her hands.

"Your part of this family, never forget that." That's what she had said to him when he had thought that he shouldn't participate in the family tradition that year. Noah blinked as tears suddenly appeared and clouded his vision. God, he was going to miss her. He'd never had a grandmother until he'd met Emma.

A firm but feminine arm was suddenly wrapped around his shoulder. He turned and found himself side be side with a sadly smiling Lucinda. He was surprised to see matching tears in her eyes as well.

"Few people know this my dear Boy, but Emma and I liked one another very much." She said as she tried to clear her throat. "We both loved our families, maybe a little too much at times. We're both two old birds and I'm . . . I'm going to miss her very much."

He could see the grief that was in her eyes. Lucinda Walsh, hard as nails business woman, but that did little in the face of losing someone that had been a part of your life for the last 25 years.

Lucinda squeezed his shoulder and tried a faint smile. "No more sadness. Right?"

Noah just nodded, not trusting his voice at that moment.

"Let's talk about something else. Like you're staying here in Oakdale a little longer." She said as he raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Who's staying in Oakdale?" Lily said as she walked up to the two.

"Noah." Lucinda answered with a wink at the slightly dumbfounded man.

"That's great, Noah." Lily smiled.

"I . . .but" Noah tried to begin but was cut off by the steamroller otherwise known as Lucinda Walsh.

"No, buts my Boy." Lucinda waved her hand at him. "We need your help at the Foundation. So you have to stay."

"So you need me to do this PSA on housing discrimination?" Noah asked doubtfully.

"Of course, who else?" Lucinda said as if it was the simplest thing to understand.

Noah just stared at her and Lily as they sat across from him at the table. Aaron had come over and sat dawn and now he had also been trying for the last 45 minutes to convince him to stay in Oakdale.

Noah sat, thinking about the offer. "I don't think that would be the best idea."

"Why not?" Lily asked. She hadn't known about her mother's idea about asking Noah to direct the PSA, but now that she heard the idea she wondered why it hadn't occurred to her earlier.

"Well, I don't know. Maybe because it's Luke's foundation and we're ex's. Little uncomfortable don't you think?" Noah smirked as he took a quick drink of his soda.

Lily and Lucinda both looked down, not meeting Noah or Aaron's eyes. "Luke really doesn't do much with the foundation any more, Noah. Lily's basically running the whole thing." Lucinda finally said.

Noah just stared. Luke not involved with his own foundation. Had his work at Grimaldi taken up all of this time.

"He's that involved at Grimaldi Shipping?" He asked, no believing he had just asked that question.

Lily was looking everywhere but at him or Aaron.

"Lily, what?" Aaron asked with concern.

"Luke's spending most of his time raising money and working at Memorial." Lucinda answered, staring straight at Noah. "He gave up his position at Grimaldi almost three months ago."

"You mean he's with Reid all the time." Noah mumbled.

"So he's not working at Grimaldi, he's not working at his foundation and he's obviously not spending time around his family." Aaron stated, his temper raising with each word. "You know what? I don't know much about his Reid guy but so far he's not impressing me much."

"Aaron." Lily sighed.

"Well, it's true, Lily and you know it." Aaron tried not to snap. "I've talked to dad, ever since he started dating this guy it seems that Luke's whole life revolves around him."

Lily just looked away not wanting to admit that Aaron was correct. It did seem, especially since Noah had left town, that all that Luke wanted to do was make Reid the center of everything in his life. Lily often wondered if it would have been different if Noah had stayed in Oakdale.

"We need your help with this, Noah." Lucinda nearly pleaded trying to bring the conversation back around.

Noah looked around and caught sight of Luke as he stood with Reid and Holden.

"Dad." Luke whispered. "How are you doing?"

Holden glanced up at his son and his boyfriend, Reid, who stood obviously uncomfortable next to him.

"I'm okay, sport." He said with a half smile, using the nickname he'd used for Luke the whole time he was growing up.

"If there's anything I can do, me or Reid, just let us know." Luke said looking at his father.

Holden glanced doubtfully as Reid. Luke wasn't the only one that noticed Reid's distinct lack of family connections. "Really? Well I'd like you to come over to the farm tonight."

"Sure, sure." Luke answered quickly and reached for Reid's hand. "We'll both be glad to come over."

Holden nearly laughed at the look of almost horror that appeared and then quickly disappeared from Reid's face.

Noah watched as Luke reached out for Reid's hand and he almost physically flinched at the look that Reid had on his face. He could feel his blood pressure rise. He turned back to Lily and Lucinda. "All right, I'll do the PSA for you and the Foundation." He glanced back over to where Luke stood and 'for you Luke' he thought.

"Why do you have to be like this." Luke whispered as he stood in the driveway of the farm, facing an very upset and irritated boyfriend.

"Be like what?" Reid asked looking straight into Luke's brown eyes.

"You're pissed at me. Admit it." Luke huffed as he stepped back and away.

Reid just stood staring and then sighed as he looked down at the gravel beneath his feet. "I'm not pissed at you. I just wish . . "

"Wish, what? That I had turned down my family when they asked us to come over?" Luke snapped.

Reid's head snapped up. "No. That you at least would have asked me."

"Asked you!" Luke laughed. "So you can say, no. Say that, you're too busy."

"Sorry. I don't fit in. I'm not the family guy kind of person." Reid said shaking his head.

"You don't even try." Luke whispered as he turned and started for the house. He stopped and looked back. "Are you coming?"

Reid and he stood looking at each other and he finally shook his head, yes and followed Luke to the house.

The dinner had been a quiet affair for more than one reason. They were all subdued because there was a noticeable absence at the head of the table. The other was the almost palatable strain between Luke and Reid and Noah who sat across from them in between Natalie and Faith.

They had all started sharing memories of Emma. Each recounting a particularly funny or sentimental story. When it had been Noah's  
turn, he had wanted to pass but Faith had pressed the issue.

The first memory that had popped into his head is the one he told. How Emma had shown him that first Christmas just what a family was. She had invited him to stay, although with her rules, and how she had given him a surprise special present that he hadn't told anyone  
about.

Luke had sat still, listening, remembering that first Christmas right along with him. "You never told me Grams gave you something." Luke had breathed, looking hurt at finding out about the omission.

Noah had gazed across the table and everyone else in the room seemed to disappear as blue locked with hazel.

"It was you." Noah smiled in a distant way. "She gave me a picture of you when you were younger. You looked like you were sad. It was taken by the pond. She wanted me to have it so I could see how happy I made you every day."

The tension had exploded as Luke froze and all conversation at the table ceased. Luke swallowed audibly and tried to clear his throat.

Although it was hard, Noah tore his eyes away from Luke's and glanced in Reid's direction. There was no mistaking the undisguised hostility in both their eyes.

A throat clearing coming from Holden's general direction broke the stalemate as they both dropped their eyes to the table top in front of them.

The rest of the dinner passed with others talking and remembering with the absence of now silent Luke, Reid and a slowly burning Noah.

Dinner had finally ended and Luke was standing by the sink looking out into the now rainy night. Dinner, he now realized, had been a bad idea. At least, as long as Noah was here. He looked down into the sink. How could Noah have kept that memory from him. He smiled when he thought about Emma giving Noah the picture and telling Noah, a Noah that had so little confidence in himself and their new love at that time, how happy he made Luke.

"Hey, little brother." Aaron smiled as he came to stand next to Luke by the sink.

"Hey, Aaron." Luke answered with a sad smile.

Aaron stood, nervous, looking out the window. Luke could tell that Aaron was uneasy and wondered at it. "What's up, Aaron?"

He shifted his eyes over to glance at his younger brother. He had been contemplating confronting Luke all afternoon, Noah and Luke's exchange at the dinner table had only solidified it in his mind.

"What are you doing with him, Luke?" Aaron asked without any preamble.

Luke froze at the question and the look of irritation in his brother's eyes. "What?"

"Don't play stupid, you know what I'm talking about." Aaron snapped.

"It's really not your business, Aaron." Luke said angrily.

"Well, someone needs to make it their business." He nearly yelled.

"So." Reid tried to say in a nonchalant manner as he walked up and stood next to Noah where he stood next to the fireplace in the parlor.  
"When are you heading back to LA?"

Noah's shoulders tensed and he slowly looked up at his former neurosurgeon. "When I'm ready to."

Reid's eyes narrowed in anger.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Luke turned to face his brother. They were so focused on each other that neither noticed everyone staring at them including Reid who had just walked out of the parlor with an angry Noah following.

"Just that ever since you started dating Dr. Sunshine you've given up your position at Grimaldi. You don't do anything at all at your own foundation and you don't spend any time with your family." Aaron ticked off each point on his fingers.

"How the hell would you know anything? You haven't been here in almost two years, Aaron." Luke tried to keep from yelling. "You don't know anything about my life or for that matter my boyfriend."

Aaron glared at his little brother. "I don't have to be here to know what's going on, Luke. I talked to Emma."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you missed Thanksgiving for the first time, the first time Luke." Aaron said angrily.

Luke felt like he had just been slapped in the face. He had missed Thanksgiving. It had been the first time he and Reid had actually fought.

Reid been on call but didn't want to spend it with Luke's family because of the awkwardness and Luke had given in. He regretted it immediately and Emma had been bitterly disappointed. "You don't understand."

"I think I do." Aaron tried to calm down. "You're with him, I get it, but it's not all about him, Luke."

Luke stood, silently, staring at his older brother. He knew he had compromised a lot being with Reid. "Sometimes you've got to give in a relationship. Change."

"Noah never made you change like that." Aaron snapped back.

Luke tensed at the remark. "No, he just made it hard to be in love with him."

"Really?" Aaron asked. "He seemed to love you even when he didn't like how you were acting."

"Yeah, he sure supported me after the election." Luke whispered as he looked down.

Aaron stood shaking his head. "Loving you and not letting you get away with pulling shit are two different things."

"Well, it didn't always feel that way." Luke said in even what he would call a sulking voice.

"He always supported what you wanted to do. Writing. When you started the foundation. Even when you went to work with Damian he supported you." Aaron sighed. "Since you've started dating your doctor you don't do anything that you want to do."

"Whatever, Aaron." Luke tried to turn away.

Aaron quickly grabbed his arm. "You certainly are the perfect doctor's wife."

"Screw you, Aaron!" Luke yelled. Luke looked around nervously as Reid walked up to him and Aaron.

"What's wrong?" Reid asked eyeing up Aaron as he stood near Luke.

"Nothing." Luke answered.

"I want to leave." Reid said matter a factly and started heading to the door.

Luke watched as Reid turned and seemed to expect Luke to just follow. He glanced over at his brother's knowing look and then at his assembled family members.

"Luke, I said I want to leave. I have a surgery tomorrow morning." Reid stood near the screen door looking in Luke's direction.

Luke's eyes came to rest on Noah who was still standing in the doorway of the parlor. His gaze was heated and Luke could tell he was angry but he didn't know at what.

"Luke?" Reid said in annoyance.

"Luke, I'd like you to say for a while." Holden said into the silence.

Luke stood confused. He was angry at Aaron and Reid and as he looked back at Noah, he realized he was mad at him too. His head hurt and he just needed to get way from all of them.

He turned and rushed past Reid and out the door into the raining night.

"Luke!" Noah's voice called out as the screen door slammed shut.

Noah ran across the room stopping in front of Reid. "Go after him!"

Reid just stared up into Noah's eyes. "No."

"Why not?" Noah nearly spit out. "He needs . . . you."

Reid dropped his gaze to the floor and shook his head. "Maybe that's how you two handled things but that's not us. He's an adult. When  
he wants to talk he'll come home and we'll talk."

"Holden, I'm truly sorry about your mother. Mrs. Snyder was a . . . stellar woman." Reid said before turning and leaving.

There was a silence as Aaron, Holden, Lily and Lucinda watched as a silent Noah stared at the door. They could all hear his heavy and labored breathing as he stood there.

He lasted for all of a minute before without saying a word he bolted out the door.

Aaron looked around at the faces of his family and realized his wasn't the only face with a smile on it.

Noah stood there looking at him. The dark and the rain didn't hide anything from him, it only enhanced it, drove it deeper. He'd walked for almost a half hour trying to find him after he'd run out of the farm's kitchen trying to get away from him, from Reid, from everything that was confusing him. Now, they stood feet apart physically but a lifetime apart emotionally.

"Why did you come back and don't tell me it was just because of Grams." Luke breathed out sending out a light wisp. The temperature had dropped significantly since they'd both left the farm.

"It was because of Emma, but once I got back here and I saw you" Noah began taking a step closer. "You're why I'm staying."

Luke's eyes nearly bulged. "Staying?" He breathed. Noah wondered if he even knew that he had taken an involuntary step back from him.

"Staying." Noah said taking another hesitant step toward the man that he'd never forgotten, never gotten over, never moved on from.

Luke's unconsciously brought his hands together and started wringing them. Noah had noticed that mannerism a lot since returning just a few days ago. That hadn't been the only changed about Luke.

"You can't stay, Noah." Luke whispered, not daring to look at him. "You can't."

Noah took the last few steps to close the distance between them. He'd had enough. Enough of being polite. Enough of waiting for a moment when Luke's boyfriend wasn't around. Enough of not touching the man that was standing right. there. in. front. of. him.

The rain had slicked Luke's blond hair down against his face and even in the dark Noah could see that Luke's breath was hitching.

"Do you know how many nights I've woken up crying out for you. My body crying out for you." Noah said in barely a whisper as he slowly reached out and ran his hands down Luke's rain covered arms. He could feel Luke shiver under his touch. He knew this wasn't fair, wasn't the way the old Noah would act. The old Noah would stand aside and allow Luke to be happy but this was the current Noah and this Noah wanted HIS Luke back.

Luke was shaking his head from side to side, no. "Noah." He said in almost an anguished whisper.

Noah took another step bringing them impossibly close. He ran his hands up and down Luke's arms again, relishing the feel of the rain and his skin under his hands. He could feel the heat between them, the electricity that seemed to ignite every time they got within a foot of each other.

"Look at me." Noah said, his lips a bear whisper from Luke's. For a moment he didn't think Luke would but slowly Luke raised his eyes. Eyes full of tears, full of emotion, full of . . . longing.

Noah gripped Luke's arms and jerked him forward, lips crashing together. Luke froze for a split second, caught off guard by suddenly finding himself pressed up against Noah's wet, hard, so familiar body. The paralysis only lasted for a breath until he dissolved into Noah's all consuming kiss.

There was no half ways or half truths about this. Luke found himself clinging onto Noah. His hands literally clawing at the back of his wet shirt trying to find something, anything to hang on to, to ground himself.

He didn't even realize when Noah's hands had left his arms but now they were buried deep in his hair, forcing their lips, their tongues, their breath even closer. Noah didn't seem to be able to get close enough.

The kiss was at once familiar and strange. The softness of their lips. The play of tongues in exploration of long missed mouths. The pounding of hearts through chests, not knowing who's it was they were feeling. Luke wondered again, why had he turned away from this.

He and Noah slowly broke the kiss, not quite pulling away as much as leaning against each other, not wanting this to end.

"I want you, Luke." Noah said opening his eyes.

Luke knew that the doubt he felt appeared in his eyes as he watched as Noah shook his head and took a step away from him. Luke watched as the rain poured down and plastered Noah's shirt to his chest.

"Correction, I want the real Luke." Noah whispered fiercely. "The Luke that drove me crazy in all ways. Not the Luke I've seen since I've been back."

Luke's back stiffened at that. "Everyone changes, Noah."

"Not always for the better. The Luke I loved, the Luke I've longed for, dreamed of, wouldn't let himself be treated the way this Luke does." Noah snapped. He wanted Luke but he didn't want to stand by and watch as the Luke he knew slipped away totally to be taken over by the current Luke that was the product of Reid's love.

"So what, if I don't act the way you want you don't want me anymore?" Luke snapped back. "You'll leave again?"

Noah stood staring, wondering how this had all gone so wrong. "I'm not leaving."

Luke sagged, he hadn't realized how much he had dreaded that answer. He took a step forward and reached for Noah but Noah took another step back.

"I'm not leaving but I'm not going to be your secret. Someone you come to when you can get away from him." Noah said as the rain ran throw his dark curls and ran down onto his face. "I want you, Luke. Want you so bad I can feel your heart beat from here but the question is, do you want me? Do you want us? You have to choose. I want you to choose me and not him. There's not going to be any easy way out of this, Luke. Choose."

Luke opened the door to a dark apartment. He was cold and wet and confused.

"It's late." A voice said from out of the dark making Luke jump so bad he dropped his keys.

"Damn it, Reid!" Luke whispered fiercely.

Reid switched on the lamp next to the sofa that he'd been sitting on. He watched as Luke slammed the door shut and walked into their kitchen. He could hear the refrigerator door open and close as Luke grabbed a bottle of water and came back into the living room. He stood silently looking at Reid.

Reid could see by the lines on Luke's face that he was still mad. For Reid's part, he was pissed also. The fact that he hadn't been able to get out of Mayer when he intended to leave town still irked.

He got up and turned away from Luke's gaze. He didn't want to see Luke's eye when he asked what he had to.

"I'm assuming after I left Noah went looking for you. Did he find you?

"Yes." Was Luke's toneless answer.

Reid nodded. "So, you two talked?"

Luke stood watching his boyfriends back. The shoulders tense. As mad as he had been with Reid when he left the farm he still couldn't bring himself to be dishonest with him. "We talked." Luke took a deep breath. "He wants me. He says he's not leaving town and that he wants me back."

"Not surprising, really." Reid snorted. "I'm sure he gave you all the reasons why he's better for you than me."

"No." Luke said in a surprised tone. He hadn't even realized until then that Noah had hardly even mentioned Reid. It had been about them.

Reid turned around with a questioning look. "He just wants you back . . . and that's it? That's all he said?"

Luke looked up and found it hard to meet Reid's stare. "He said I had to choose."

Reid stood silently, not blinking. "Choose? So, there's a choice to be made?"

Luke turned away, not able to meet Reid's gaze any longer.

"Luke?" Reid tried again.

"I don't know what I want, Reid." Luke admitted his back still to his boyfriend. Should he even still be calling him that?

Reid continued to stand there, waiting.

Luke spun around tears in his eyes. "Do you love me?"

Reid slowly walked over and took Luke's limp hands in his own. "More than anyone I've ever had in my life. Yes, I love you."

'Was that enough of an answer?' Luke looked into Reid's calm eyes. Always calm, that was Reid. The world famous neurosurgeon nerves of steel. Even now when discussing them, as a couple, and the fact that his ex wanted him back. Still that icy calm.

Luke wondered what was it that made them a couple. They were completely different from one another in so many ways.

"You have to choose but I don't see that there's that much of a choice to be made." Reid stated as he dropped Luke's hands and walked toward the window to peer out into the dark night. "You and Noah tried it for almost three years and it didn't work. We work, Luke."

Luke could hear what Reid was saying. Know it was true to an extent . . . but all he could remember was the feel of Noah's body against his in the rain. The taste of his lips.

"Luke." Reid whispered into his ear. He had slipped up behind him and encircled his waist with his arms. "We work, don't we?"

Luke turned in Reid's arms to look up into his eyes. "We're together, but do we work, Reid?"

Reid shook his head, yes.

Luke slowly pulled his eyes away. "You're not into family, I am. I want a family one day, do you?"

Reid smiled slowly as he leaned down and kissed the tip of Luke's nose. "I know you're into family and I get it. Isn't it a little early to be worrying about us and having a family?" He chuckled deep in his chest.

"Do you even know what I want to do with my life?" Luke asked quickly. It wasn't lost on him that Reid had side stepped his questions about family.

"Do you?" Reid asked with a smile. His smile faded as he saw that Luke wasn't returning it. "You're raising a lot of money to build a state-of-the art neurological center that will save a lot of people."

Luke nodded his head. "Yeah, I am."

"Come on, Luke." Reid said as he stepped out of their embrace and pulled on Luke's hands. Pulling at them to guide him to the back of their apartment, to the bedroom.

Luke slowly followed Reid to their bedroom and Reid proceeded to try and convince Luke how well they worked together.

"This is the general ideal I was going for for the PSA." Noah pointed to the outline that the film major intern was holding . Noah remembered Jerry from the semester before his accident, he was a genius in the editing department.

When Noah had said yes two days ago to Lucinda and Lily's offer to do the PSA he hadn't expected to be the entire thing. He was not only directing it, he was also acting as producer and if he didn't find a good candidate in the OU film program he was going to have to write the damn thing too.

He had started yesterday by going over and checking in with his advisor at OU. He'd been surprised to find out that he was officially a graduate with the completion of his project in LA.

His advisor had immediately offered the use of the university's studios and editing facilities when he found out Noah was working, pro bono, on a piece for Lucinda Walsh. He had also asked Noah to act as a guest speaker for a few classes to let the current crop of students know what they could look forward to in LA.

Noah had at first found it funny that he, not even officially graduated, was being asked to act as a part of the faculty. Then he thought about all of the experiences he had had so far in LA in his short time there and wished someone had spoke to him about it before he had gone.

"Noah, I can start on the story boards no problem, but I kind of need a story." Jerry chuckled.

Noah smiled at the student. "Yeah, that would kind of help wouldn't it?"

"What are you doing here?" A shocked voice asked, breaking into their conversation.

Noah looked over to see Luke standing at the door to the offices of the Snyder Foundation.

"Hey." Noah smiled, actually enjoying the surprised look on Luke's face. He had to admit that he loved seeing any expression on Luke's face to be perfectly honest. Noah could feel the usual pull at his heart upon seeing him.

The other night their talk in the rain had been liberating for Noah. He knew what he wanted without any doubt and he had a plan, vague but still a plan, in mind on how to accomplish getting Luke back.

"I asked what are you doing here, Noah?" Luke said again as he walked into the office looking at the handheld camera case, folders with snap shots of different locations that Noah had taken yesterday afternoon and the smiling face of the intern.

"I'm working on the PSA that Lily wants done for the foundation." Noah said as he turned back to Jerry. "I'll talk to you tomorrow about the story, I'll figure something out."

"Sure thing, Noah. It's great to see you again and I can't wait to hear what you say in class on Friday." Jerry said as he slapped Noah on the shoulder as he passed and smiled at Luke as he headed out the door. Noah turned and faced a bewildered Luke.

"PSA?" Luke asked.

"PSA, Public Service Announcement." Noah laughed.

"I know what it is!" Luke snapped. "When did this all happen?"

"At Emma's wake." Noah answered with a sad smile. "Lucinda and Lily said they needed help and since I was here . . . they asked for me to stay and work on it for them."

"So . . ." Luke started and turned away picking up a piece of paper from the nearby desk. He didn't even know what was written on it as he pretended to read it. "That's why you're staying."

Noah could hear the hurt in Luke's voice and walked quickly over to stand right behind his ear. "No, Luke. I had already decided I wasn't going back to LA without you. The opportunity to make a PSA to help fight housing discrimination was just an added benefit."

Luke could feel Noah's breath on the back of his neck and he had to fight to control the racing of his heart at the certainty in Noah's voice when he had said he wasn't going back to LA without him. When had Noah become so sure of himself?

He stepped away from the table and Noah and turned to face him. "That's not going to happen, Noah."

Noah watched as Luke tried to get as far from him as the room would allow and stepped toward him. "Why's that, Luke?"

"Because I have a boyfriend. A life, here in Oakdale." He answered.

Noah stepped up to the table Luke had just been standing at. He casually looked down at the material laying there. "I'll be waiting."

Luke just stood staring at him. Why was he doing this? It's not like he'd actually stay around and fight. This was Noah. That's not what he did, he ran. That had always been their problem. Luke fought until he couldn't any longer and Noah just didn't. He ran and pushed Luke away whenever it got too tough, too close, too much.

For his part, Noah just stood there. He could almost hear the wheels turning in Luke's head. He knew what he was thinking. Well, Luke was in for a real shock. Noah wasn't leaving until Luke was his again. Noah almost heard the "click" of the next piece of his plan fall into place as he looked at the outline in his hand.

"I'll wait, it's not like I don't have plenty to do with the PSA." Noah sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "That is if I ever get a script done for it."

Although, Luke was irritated with Noah, with the situation, he also was kind of interested in the PSA Lucinda and Lily wanted Noah to make. When had they decided on a campaign against housing discrimination?

'While you've been gone.' His mind whispered to him.

Noah glanced sideways at Luke. "You know, you'd be great doing something like this."

Luke shook his head, no.

'Okay.' Noah thought. 'Next step.'

"I hadn't expected to be doing the whole PSA by myself, luckily some people in the film program at OU are helping. Hopefully, a writer will step up." Noah sighed.

'There's your opening, Snyder.' Noah thought.

Luke looked like he had just been slapped in the face. "You're not going to write it?"

"No. I've got too much else on my plate. You know writings never been my thing." Noah tried to say in a distracted manner. "I just hope whoever I get from school at least has some understanding of the problem."

Luke looked up, right into Noah's eyes. They only knew too well the sting of discrimination.

"You didn't let Mr. Reece get away with a thing." Noah whispered. Luke shook his head remembering the interview his mother and he did with Kim.

"Anyway." Noah looked away, "we'll find someone to do it. I'll get it to work somehow."

As he looked down at a piece of paper in his hand he could just see out of the corner of his eye Luke worrying his bottom lip.

'Gotcha!' He thought.

Noah swiftly looked up startling Luke out of his thoughts. "Are you happy?"

Luke froze. "What?"

"I'm going to keep asking you until you tell me."

Luke looked down frustrated. "Noah, if I tell you I'm happy will you stop this? Will you go back to LA?"

"No."

Luke's head snapped up with a questioning look.

Noah just stood there staring at him. Wanting so much to just walk over, take him in his arms and never, EVER, let him go again, but he knew this would have to be done the hard way. The Luke Snyder way.

"I'm leaving." Luke breathed as he started walking to the office door.

"I'll be waiting." Noah answered and watched as a frustrated Luke turned back for an instant to look at him and then quickly left.

Noah smiled.

Reid stood at the end of the hallway and watched as his boyfriend almost ran out of the Foundation offices. Luke stood waiting for the elevator nervously, rocking from foot-to-foot.

As Luke disappeared into the elevator Reid made his way toward the office. He hadn't planned on seeing Noah again but when Lucinda had shown up at the board meeting at Memorial and wasted no time in telling him that she and Lily had convinced Noah to do some film project for them the urge had just hit. He hadn't expected to see Luke here though.

He reached the doorway and stood watching as Noah walked around a table looking at different papers. Reid noticed that the young and naive patient that he had come to treat over a year ago was now gone. He was replaced by a more forceful, more determined Noah.

Noah glanced up and did a double take when he saw Reid standing there in the doorway. A small smile played across his lips.

"Following your boyfriend now, Reid?" Noah asked going back to his search of papers.

"Sorry, that's you and Luke's relationship, not ours." Reid smirked back as he walked into the office. He strolled over to the table looking down at Noah's scattered material. "So this is what Lucinda raced to tell me about, or should I say rub in my face, this morning at the Board Meeting at Memorial? The Housing Discrimination PSA. That's what's keeping you in town?"

Noah looked back up at Reid with a raised eyebrow. "It's not the only thing."

"Ah, yes." Reid shook his head, yes, as he casually shoved his hands into his pants pockets. "Luke told me about the conversation you two had last night."

Reid said the last statement watching Noah for some kind of reaction to the fact that Luke had told him about what they talked about.

Noah smirked again. "I'm sure he didn't tell you everything about last night, Reid."

Noah was rewarded by a slight tightening of the muscles along Reid's jaw.

"He told me that you want him back." Reid smiled. "That's not going to happen you know."

"And why is that Reid? Because you say so. Because that's what you want and to hell with what Luke might want." Noah snapped as he stood up, utilizing his height advantage on the surgeon looking down at him. "It is Luke's choice."

Reid stood staring at the slightly flustered Noah. "Is there really a choice, Noah? I mean, you two were together for almost three years and could never make it work for more than a couple of months at a time."

Noah shook his head, yes. "You're right. We couldn't because we were both young and immature. We've both grown up."

"There was more wrong with your relationship than immaturity. From what I've heard you were the classic closet case emotionally. You had Luke running in circles your whole relationship. At least with me he knows what we are. Who he is." Reid said with certainty.

Noah actually laughed at that. "Is that what we're calling it? Luke knows who he is? How? He isn't going to school or writing. He's not working at his own foundation. Hell, he's not even working at Grimaldi."

Noah walked up to Reid and stared him full in the face. "I know Luke. He's making you his whole life both personally and professionally. That's what he does and you're letting him."

"Luke enjoys what we're doing together." Reid said with a smile. "Both personally and professionally."

Noah could only stare. Did Reid even get it or was he that egotistical? "Yeah but here's the thing, Reid. You don't seem to mind if Luke gives up everything to be with you but would you give up everything, being a surgeon, for him? Because I would. I'd give up Hollywood in a second if it was either that or Luke. Can you say the same?"

He could see the hesitation in Reid's eyes. "That's what I thought."

"It doesn't really matter what you think, Noah." Reid said looking down at his hands and then up into Noah's eyes. "You can talk to Luke all you want in the rain. Tell him that you want him back over and over again but last night . . . he came home to me. Came home to our bed."

Noah locked his gaze with that of the surgeon that had given him his sight back. "Tell me, Reid, when you were making love to him are you sure it was _you _he was thinking about?"

He was rewarded again by the tightening of Reid's jaw.

Reid twisted the key forcefully in the door. It was late. He was tired and he was ticked off. His mood didn't improve when he opened the door and Luke sitting on the sofa greeted him, again. Luke barely looked up from the laptop screen when Reid slammed the door closed behind him.

"I saved you some spaghetti from my mom's." Luke said in a calm voice.

Yeah, the mention of Lily sure didn't help his mood either, but he didn't turn down food even if it was from the enemy.

He stalked into the kitchen, grabbed the plate, heated it up and then took that, a fork and himself into the living room and sat down in one of the over-stuffed chairs and dug in.

"So" Reid cleared his throat. "Was he there?"

Luke stared at Reid. He knew who the "he" was that Reid was referring to. "No, he wasn't." He snapped and got up from the sofa and started pacing their small living room. "Is this how it's going to be? Constantly wondering if I've run into Noah?"

Reid sat looking into his bowl of spaghetti that he now wasn't so eager to finish. He hadn't told Luke about going to see Noah or the fact that he'd seen Luke there. He had hoped Luke would tell him on his own but he hadn't.

Instead Reid really hadn't seen Luke for the last day. He had gotten back to Memorial and tried to find Luke but he hadn't been there and didn't come back to the hospital. When he got home the previous night he had found Luke on their sofa madly typing away on his laptop. Reid had tried to talk to him, but he had been too engrossed and distracted by the new "project" he said he was working on.

Reid had woken up this morning in a bad mood after realizing at around two in the morning that Luke wasn't coming to bed. He'd walked out and found Luke asleep on the sofa. The day had only gotten worse when he realized it was Wednesday and that meant Wednesday night dinner at Lily's.

When Luke hadn't shown up again at the hospital Reid had called him. In fact, had to call three times before Luke picked up. He was mad and had told Luke he had rounds and couldn't go to Lily's.

Now here he was for the second night in a row coming home to find Luke on the sofa with his laptop in front of him.

"Maybe it will be like this, at least until he's gone back to LA." Reid said in a slightly sullen manner, not meeting Luke's eyes.

Luke was glad Reid wasn't watching him at that moment because he was sure this eyes could betray him to his boyfriend. Just the thought of Noah going back to LA sent an instant shock through his body and he was sure that wasn't the right thing to be feeling toward an ex especially when you were standing in front of your current boyfriend.

"I'm with you, Reid. It doesn't matter whether Noah is here or in LA." Luke heard himself saying.

Reid slowly looked up into his boyfriend's brown eyes. "I thought that at first."

Luke waited for Reid to continue. "But?" He prompted.

Reid quickly got up and turned away. His thoughts were running in circles. He'd never been in a real relationship before. Usually he met someone who was physically appealing and was receptive and they had encounters. It was cut and dry, just about the sex. This, with Luke was different.

Reid stood looking out the window into the night. "The longer he's in town the more you're going to remember what you were to each other."

"I don't need Noah to be in town for me to remember what we are." Luke snapped.

Reid slowly turned around, a knowing look on his face. "Were."

"What?" Luke look at him in confusion.

"What you were." Reid said in a toneless voice. "You said, what we are."

Luke stood paralyzed for a few seconds before he walked over to Reid and slowly placed his hands on Reid's crossed arms. "I'm here with you, isn't that enough."

Reid's throat seemed to betray him. He wanted to say, 'no, it's not' but all that came out was, "Yes."

Reid leaned in and softly kissed Luke. "I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Coming?"

Luke bit his bottom lip and glanced over at his laptop. "I really needed to finish something."

"Okay." Reid breathed as he turned and headed to their bedroom.

"Reid." Luke called.

He turned to look at his boyfriend with a questioning look.

"I love you." Luke smiled.

Reid stood for a second gazing at the man that had pulled him finally into a relationship. "I love you too, Luke."

"Goodnight." Luke said softly.

"Nite." Reid whispered as he watched Luke settle down on the sofa and begin typing

Reid was adjusting his tie as he walked out into the living room. He had expected to see Luke asleep on the sofa because he hadn't come to bed again the night before, but he was greeted by an empty sofa and the sounds of running water coming from the hall bathroom. Luke was obviously in the process of taking his own shower.

Reid sighed as he looked at the rumpled blanket. This had been the second night in a row that Luke hadn't come to bed, all because of this new project.

Before he realized it, he had walked over and was standing looking down at the laptop. Almost of its own accord he watched as his hand touched the cursor pad and the screen lite up.

Reid could see that Luke had recently printed something as the dialogue box informed him that his print job was complete.

He glanced over his shoulder to the desk next to the window and saw a substantial pile of paper neatly stacked and stapled. Reid listened to make sure the water was still running as he casually walked over to the printer. He quickly turned over the stapled document and saw that there was a formal cover page already printed.

**_"A Home of Our Own?"  
A View of America's Last Acceptable Form of Discrimination  
Screenplay By Luke E. Snyder_**

Reid froze as he re-read the title. He fanned the document pages out to see that it was a completed screenplay of about 90 pages. Picking a random page he began to read.

**_ Although, Noah and I should have been ecstatic about finally being on the same page and wanting to live together at the same time, we weren't.  
We had both at different times wanted this. At first, Noah for the sense of family and then myself as a sense of purpose for myself. Neither had been a good reason to share a home, so we waited.  
Now, it seemed that all the stars were aligned. Noah was doing well at school and had gotten past his father and all that he had done to him. I now had a direction, a purpose for my life, the Foundation. We were together and finally nothing was in our way.  
That is until the cruel face of discrimination in the guise of one, Mr. Reece, appeared on the scene.  
_**

Reid was jolted out of his reading by the sound of the water being turned off. He hurriedly replaced the manuscript to where he found it and hastily left the apartment.

"I know that I said I'd have a preliminary script for you, Jerry, but I don't have it yet." Noah sighed into the phone as he rubbed his eyes. The student was now in the habit of calling daily for a script so he could begin the preliminary story boarding.

"Jerry, I know you need it but we can work on other things until I get that together. We know the general concept. I need you to get the interviews started of that list of students I gave you." Noah said as he turned around and was brought up short when he saw Luke standing in the doorway.

"Jerry, I'll call you back in a few." Noah said absently and hung up without waiting for a reply from the student on the other end of the line. "Luke?"

Luke smiled sheepishly as he fidgeted. "I didn't mean to interrupt . . . "

"You are never an interruption." Noah said immediately as he intently watched Luke.

Luke nervously cleared his throat as he took a step into the Foundation office that Noah had turned into a makeshift production office. Luke looked around in interest at everything. He saw photos of different buildings pinned up on the wall with "location shots" posted above them.

Lists of names. It took a second to realize that it was a list of same-sex couples, many of which he knew.

"I didn't mean to ease drop on your conversation but I heard you say you didn't have a script yet." He stated in a hesitant voice as he gazed sidelong at Noah.

Noah used every ounce of his considerable willpower to keep himself from jumping up and down and pump his fist in the air as he heard Luke's question and noticed the rather large bundle in his ex's hands.

"It's okay. It's not a secret. No one is exactly jumping on board at OU to write it." Noah said in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner.

"Well." Luke began and then he seemed to be uncharacteristically shy. "Just take a look at this."

He quickly shoved the stack of paper into Noah's hands.

Noah looked down at the bundle in his hands and his suspicions were confirmed as he read the cover sheet. He quickly flipped to the end and his head snapped up.

"You wrote a complete script? In less then two days?" He asked in wonder. He had hoped when he had dropped the hints that Luke's passion for writing would make an appearance, but he had never expected that Luke would present him with a completed script almost immediately.

He tried to tramp down his feelings of pride in Luke and his amazing abilities. "I can't believe this."

Luke smirked. "What, you can't believe I wrote a script?"

Noah dropped his hand clutching the script to his side and stepped closer to Luke. "I never doubt anything when it comes to you." He whispered as he caught and held Luke's gaze.

He watched as Luke seemed lost for a second and then stepped back and swallowed, laughing nervously.

"Well maybe you should read it before you make a blanket statement like that." Luke said as he stepped further away and pretended to look at the pictures pinned to the wall.

Noah quickly started reading the script and as he read a pleased grin spread across his face.

Luke watched as Noah quickly flipped from page-to-page. His confidence building with each turn of the page and the continued smile on Noah's face.

Luke hadn't realized how little he trusted himself anymore when it came to writing. The only writing he had been doing for the last two years had been grant proposals.

When he had been seized by the need and desire to create, to write this script he had at first sat in front of the laptop, staring at it. Fear had grabbed him by the throat and he had almost walked away right there and then. But the inspiration had hit with the memories of that time in his life with Noah. They had been so happy and in love, then reality had slapped them in the face.

He had been writing like a demon for almost 36 hours straight. When he was finished and he had read over it, he had been amazed at the results. Pride, enthusiasm, had erupted in him. Something he hadn't experienced in a long time. It hadn't even been dimmed when Luke had discovered that Reid had left for work without even a goodbye.

Luke was jolted out of his thoughts by the sound of Noah calling his name. He looked over and saw a brilliant smile on Noah's face and his heart clinched.

"Luke." Noah began and stopped, looking back down at the script in his hands. "This is amazing! It's exactly what I needed."

A huge grin broke out on Luke's worried face. "Are you sure? You're not just saying that are you?"

"No!" Noah said immediately. He looked up into Luke's eyes. "Honestly, this is actually just what I was thinking of. Part scripted storyline, interspersed with documentary interviews."

Noah laid the script on the table and started flipping the pages. "Right here."

Luke walked over and looked to see what part Noah was pointing out.

"You have the scene of actors acting out the decision to move in together. Their joy, their nervousness." Noah looked up and smiled. "Then you cut to an interview of us about that afternoon in Java."

"Yeah, I thought that the fictional and the non-fictional aspect would grip the viewer." Luke was still looking down at the scene Noah was pointing to.

Noah couldn't help it. Just the vision of a smiling, vibrant, nearly glowing Luke was just too much. His body of it's own volition leaned in. Getting closer.

Luke looked up with a dazzling smile and froze as he realized Noah was. right. there.

The air between them seemed to ignite. Neither could control their bodies as inertia itself pulled them together. Their lips crashing together.

At once Luke found his hands buried in Noah's soft, black curls, forcing their lips closer. He could feel Noah's arms hard around his body. Viselike as they pulled him against his body.

Luke's mind didn't seem to be working, it stopped as soon as their lips fused together. Surprisingly, Noah's brain was the one that started functioning. He slowly pulled his lips away from Luke's, trying to catch his breath. Luke stood breathing hard and staring at him, his lips, with glazed eyes.

For his part Noah was having difficulty not lunging back into Luke and taking him right there in the office. He could see the heat in Luke's eyes. It would only take Noah walking back to him to set them off again.

He watched as Luke tried to pull himself together. Watched as he tried to keep his hands to himself. Keep himself from coming after Noah.

Noah caught Luke's gaze. "Are you happy?"

Luke stood still, looking with incredulous eyes. "What?"

"Are you happy, right now?" Noah asked spreading his arms taking in the script where it lay, forgotten, on the table. "Because when we were looking at your script you were happier then I've seen you in a long time."

It suddenly occurred to Luke that Noah was right. He was happy. Happier then he had been in - forever. He felt alive and for the last day and a half he had been filled with an energy that he hadn't felt since he use to write.

"Yes, I'm happy right now, Noah." Luke whispered as he stared at the floor.

Noah felt his heart skip at hearing Luke's admission.

"I said it the other night, you need to choose, Luke." Noah whispered back.

Luke's eyes snapped up to Noah's face, not surprised to see a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

"Choose what?" Luke asked in confusion.

"Choose this. Being happy instead of . . . existing." Noah said calmly.

"Just because I'm happy about my script and I got . . . carried away doesn't mean anything." Luke stammered.

Noah smirked. "Okay, Luke."

Luke's tempered rose as he watched Noah pick up the script again.

"I mean it, Noah. Don't go reading anything into this."

Luke had followed Noah over to the table and reached out and gripped his arm to get Noah's attention.

As he turned back, Noah, could feel the slight tremor in Luke's touch. "Alright Luke. It doesn't mean anything . . . this time."

"What?" Luke sputtered.

"This time, but there will be other times and another time after that. Any time we're together and it feels like this. When it feels right like this"

Luke could only stand staring at Noah dumbfounded.

Noah swooped in, because really he couldn't not and pressed another heated kiss onto Luke's lips.

Even when he was shocked and caught off guard Luke's lips couldn't help but respond to Noah's lips. After all, it was Noah's lips.

Noah quickly pulled away before the kiss took over his barely rational mind. "I'll be waiting." Was all he said before he smiled and confidently turned back to the script.

Holden was lost as he sat on the sofa on the screened porch and watched as the mid-September leaves were rustled by the gentle, warm breeze.

He was lost in thought, lost in memories, lost in his entire life. He looked down once again at the neatly folded paper in his hand and wondered again how even in death, 'mama' still knew how to completely call him out and force him to take a cold, hard look at the mess he had made of his life.

He distractedly reached up and wasn't surprised when his hand came away from his face covered in the cold remains of tears.

"Mama." He breathed as he carefully put the folded paper back in the envelope he had found it in. Once back inside the envelope he turned it over and gently ran a callused finger over the familiar, neat script that was his mother's handwriting. "Holden."

"Hey, Dad." The voice made him jump as he glanced up to see Luke watching him from the doorway. He'd been so engrossed in his memories he hadn't heard Luke drive up.

"Hey, Sport." He smiled up at his son. He looked closer and saw that his son's eyes held almost a panicked look in them. 'Noah.' He thought as he tried to suppress a sigh.

Instead he patted the sofa cushion next to him. "Why don't you come and sit with your old man."

Luke grinned broadly. The idea of his father and 'old man' in the same sentence somehow felt wrong. He walked over and dramatically dropped down next to him, heaving an exaggerated sigh of relief.

Holden smiled. His gay son certainly could be the drama queen routine, although he'd never admit that to him.

Holden sat quietly as he and Luke continued to watch the sunlight play against the leaves. "Want to talk about it?" He tried to ask casually.

Luke quickly looked down at his hands. Noticing for the hundredth time how bad he had been chewing his nails lately.

Holden took a chance. "Is it Noah?"

Luke froze. He slowly shook his head, yes.

"What happened?" Holden asked again. He had been slightly surprised the other night when Noah had come to him and asked if he could stay at the farm for a while. Most of the extended Snyder clan had finally left, going back to their lives after the final goodbye to Emma. Noah and Aaron had finally gotten out of the parlor and were both in their own rooms.

Holden had told him, yes, immediately without even thinking about it. He had wondered later that night what Noah had in mind. He had noticed the change, almost imperceptible unless you knew Noah, that had taken place in him since going to LA. He was more self-assured, more determined, more confident of who he was and what he wanted. Holden had heard it as Noah told him about his months in LA and working on the project and dealing with the "Hollywood" type while out there.

Luke still hadn't answered Holden, he just sat looking down at his hands. "Sometimes I wish we could go back in time." Luke finally whispered. "Change things that we did wrong."

Holden was silently nodding his head. "It surely would be nice."

Luke looked up into his father's tired and now that he really took the time to look, sad, eyes. He wondered if the same regret that he saw in Holden's eyes were present in his own. He sat thinking that Holden probably had a lot of his own things he would like to change in his past if given the chance.

"What do you want to change, son?" Holden asked quietly.

Luke swallowed and turned away. "Do you think you can go back to something and if it didn't work before believe it will work this time?"

Holden turned to hide the small smile that immediately sprung to his face. Noah indeed. If Holden was honest he had always wondered as Luke and Reid's relationship progressed whether it would have if Noah hadn't left town.

If Noah had still been in Oakdale, still been present and around for Luke to see and run into. Would that have stopped this relationship  
with Reid sooner?

Holden had his own opinion. He didn't think Reid would have stood a chance if Noah had been around reminding Luke, just by his presence, of what they had together. Now that Noah was back the cracks in his son and Reid's relationship were evident.

"I think that both you and Noah are older now, maybe wiser." Holden began and smiled when Luke rolled his eyes at the 'wiser' remark. "I think what you had was special and intense. Maybe too intense for two men your age to handle. You both were too immature to handle it, to appreciate what it was you had. Maybe now you are mature enough to cherish it."

Luke sighed. "You think I should try again with Noah, don't you? What about Reid? I do care about him?"

Holden considered his son's question. "I think when Noah left town . . . "

Luke turned waiting for his father to continue. "Go on."

"When Noah left town and it was just you in a relationship with Reid, I think subconsciously you decided to do whatever it took to make that relationship work because it was your only option."

His son had become still as he had talked. Holden worried that maybe he had gone too far.

"I wish Grams' was here. I could really use some Oatmeal Raisin cookies. They always helped me think." Luke smiled self-consciously.

Holden snorted. "Yeah, they were magical little things weren't they. Cured everything."

"Yeah." Luke sighed.

Holden suddenly got up and walked quickly into the kitchen picking up an envelope off the counter and returned to the sofa. He held the envelope loosely in his hand and then slowly offered it to his anxious son.

"Here, maybe this will help." He breathed.

Luke took the envelope, turning it over and immediately recognizing his grandmother's handwriting.

"What's this?" He asked almost fearfully.

Holden took a deep breath, suddenly fighting back tears. "I was going through your grandmother's desk, trying to get the farms paperwork in order when I found these."

"These?" Luke looked at his father.

"There were two of them. One addressed to you and the other to me." Holden slowly swallowed around the lump that was now in his throat. "I think Mama had some sort of premonition. Mine was dated just a few days before . . . "  
He couldn't go on as he nearly chocked on the words.

Luke reached over quickly to put a comforting arm around his father. Luke had been devastated by his grandmother's death, he could only imagine what it was like for his father.

"Did you read yours?" Luke whispered.

Holden quickly reached up to wipe tears away. "Yeah, I did."

Luke lifted the envelope up. "I'm not sure I can right now, Dad." Luke continued looking at his name written on the envelope. "I don't now if I'm ready."

Holden cleared his throat. "Well, if it's anything like the one she wrote to me, I think it would help you, Luke."

Luke was shaking his head, yes, before Holden even finished. "I'm sure it probably would, I'm just not ready."

Holden understood how his son felt about not being ready. He and Emma had had a special relationship and Holden suspected that Luke was having some regrets about the time he had missed with his grandmother over the last few months.

"Sport." Holden took a deep breath before he continued. "All I can say is don't let the possibility of happiness, true happiness, slip by because of some misplaced sense of loyalty or sense of obligation."

Luke simply watched his father, tried to soak in the advice although he had his doubts.

He hated the pebbly finish on the ceiling, always had. Now, at 2:30 in the morning when his eyes wouldn't seem to close and his mind wouldn't stop running in circles he hated it even more. After tossing and turning from side-to-side for what seemed like the 40th time since going to bed, Luke gave in and silently slipped from his bed quietly eyeing Reid to make sure he didn't wake him.

Luke frowned as he stood there in the dark looking at the sleeping form. Reid had been unusually quiet and almost detached when he had arrived home from the hospital. He hadn't asked Luke why he hadn't been at the hospital again today or asked anything, in fact, about his day at all.

They had shared a silent take-out Chinese dinner and movie before they had both agreed they were tired and headed to bed. Reid had simply kissed Luke and turned over and seemingly immediately gone to sleep.

Luke sighed silently and crept out of the bedroom and found his way to the sofa and curled up in the darkened living room. His mind spun around with all the events of the day. Finishing the script, taking it to Noah and his amazed reaction and their shared, intense encounter. Luke belatedly realized that his fingers had crept to his lips almost feeling the tingle still there.

The confusion afterwards, the visit to his father and his words. The letter from Emma that made him want to weep just thinking about it. But most of all what he had felt for most of the afternoon after seeing Noah was an overwhelming sense of fear.

Fear of trying again with Noah. Fear of hurting Reid. Fear of taking the chance again only to be pushed away again.

Luke laid his head back on the sofa and closed his eyes. Why couldn't he just magically know what to do? Why couldn't someone just tell him what to do? 'Because you're supposed to be an adult' his exhausted mind yelled back. Almost of its own will his head turned toward the desk and when his eyes opened he could see in the scant light his jacket hanging on the back of the desk chair. He knew it was in there. Knew it was waiting for him to read. He could almost hear his grandmother berating him for not reading her letter yet.

He huffed as he pulled himself from the sofa and padded over to the chair and reached in and pulled out the envelope. He was seated and had a afghan pulled around him before he felt ready to even look at the handwriting again.

He took a shaking breath in before he silently slipped a finger nail under the sealed flap and ripped it open. He reached over and clicked on the light on the end table and stared at the folded piece of paper in its soft glow. He noticed that the paper was shaking from the tremors going through his hand.

He took a giant break and hold it as he reluctantly unfolded to paper to reveal a long page of Emma's neat script. He immediately noticed that the date was exactly one week ago. Two days before her death. Luke could feel a cold hand grip and squeeze his heart as he steeled himself to read some of Emma's last thoughts.

_** My Darling Boy,**_

Here I sit in the middle of the night writing a letter to my darling grandson. This is the third night in a row that I've woken up out of a sound sleep with a deep worry in my bones and unable to get back to sleep. Last night, I decided to write. I have no idea whether I will give these to anyone, but I feel the need to get these thoughts out of my head and down on paper so that they're not forgotten.  
I haven't told you but I've been e-mailing Noah. I know, me Emma Snyder, e-mailing anyone is almost comical but Faith took pity on me and showed an old dog a new trick and here I am. I know you might be upset that I have been talking to him, but Luke I can't let Noah be alone again. Not after everything that poor child went through with that father of his. I understand loneliness. After your grandfather, Harvey, died even though I had a house full of children at night I was utterly and hopelessly alone.  
And you know that boy, he never seems to want to have anyone worry about him or be a burden but I'm glad he seems to enjoy my e-mails and he was happy when I suggested that Aaron visit. Although, I know that he misses you and longs to ask about you he only ever asks one thing, "Is he happy?" It shocks me every time I read that although I have no idea how to answer him. I say you are . . . but are you, Luke?  
I watch you. I watch you with Reid and although I know you love the man I sense an emptiness, a loneliness in you and I can't help but fear that all of this, this thing that you have with Reid is partly my doing. My fault. So here it is, Baby Boy, the one and only time I will admit this. I think I was wrong. I think that I made a mistake. I think that because of advice I once gave you that you are now sacrificing your happiness for someone elses happiness. 

**_ I once told you when Noah was getting ready to marry that Iraqi girl that "sometimes loves requires a great deal of sacrifice and how much you're willing to sacrifice sometimes indicates just how very special that loves is." Luke, are you sacrificing your happiness in order to make sure that Reid is happy? Are you sacrificing what you really, truly want because you think you owe Reid a love that is special? I wish almost daily that I had kept my mouth shut that day. _**

**_ I was wrong. Love doesn't require sacrifice, love requires strength and courage to fight for it even if it hurts sometimes. Love is fleeting and can be gone in an instant. My beloved Harvey was gone in a flash and I regret every day that I didn't tell him I loved him more. My darling boy, don't do that. Don't let that love fall away and die because you're afraid of taking the chance.  
Well, I guess it's time I should get back to bed. I feel the weight of what I just wrote lifting off of my shoulders. I guess that's what my mind and soul wanted me to do because now I'm exhausted and all I can think of is sleep. Darling Luke, if you ever see this please think about what I've said._**

Your beloved grandmother,

Emma  


Luke sat and re-read the letter again. The one sentence resonating over and over again in his head. "Are you sacrificing what you really, truly want because you think you owe Reid a love that is special?" Was he? He loved Reid, but was he 'in love' with him? He glanced down at the paper in his hand and realized that the corner was wet. He reached up and felt the tears on his cheeks and wondered when exactly had he started crying?

Luke sat staring out the window as many things raced through his head. He sat reviewing over and over again the last seven months, especially the time since Noah had left. Was he sacrificing everything, family, friends, profession and love in order to make this relationship work with Reid? Was that fair to him? Was it fair to Reid?

Luke was startled out of his thoughts by the soft clearing of a throat. He hastily looked over and discovered that there was a soft morning light starting to filter in through the windows and Reid stood barefoot in the doorway of their bedroom. He was watching him with a sad look in his eyes.

"Did I ever tell you what I once told Katie?" Reid said in a quiet voice from the doorway.

Luke silently shook his head, no, as he gazed at the man he'd been sharing his life with for the last seven months.

Reid quietly padded over to the sofa and lowered himself to the cushion and turned toward Luke, placed his arm on the back of the sofa and resting his head against it. "She asked me if I had a 'thing' for you." Reid smiled remembering that conversation. "I told her that 'you and Noah were destined to have a very long life together. That you two were the gay Bob and Kim.'"

Luke quickly looked away from Reid's eyes not wanting to let Reid see how that statement effected him.

"And it's still true." Reid continued in a soft voice. "You two are destined to have a long life together. I've always known that. I thought maybe we stood a chance when Noah left town. That if you didn't see him everyday you wouldn't want to be with him everyday, but I was wrong. There's always been three people in this relationship, you, me and the memory of Noah."

"I'm sorry." Luke whispered unable to look up and into Reid's eyes. "You deserve better."

"Yes, I do." Reid said in a matter-of-fact voice.

Luke's head snapped up and he saw that Reid wore a sad smile on his face.

"And so do you, Luke." Reid said as he reached over and stroked the side of Luke's face. "You deserve love and happiness and someone who will put you first in everything because you don't do halfway very well."

Luke smirked at that statement.

"I don't know if you and Noah will be happy." Reid sighed. "But I know that you and I would never have the kind of relationship that would make you happy either."

Luke smiled sadly. He wondered would he ever have the kind of relationship that would make him happy? Was he destined to be like his parent's, breaking up and making up? "Love requires strength and courage to fight for it even if it hurts sometimes."

Luke walked into the Foundation office nervous. His emotions were running high and his heart was racing. He was about to take probably the biggest risk of his life by throwing away a certain relationship with Reid to try again, with Noah.

He practically ran through the doors only to be brought up short by the sight of Jerry standing in the middle of an office in shambles. There were packed boxes everywhere and it looked as if someone was moving.

"Hey." Jerry looked up. Luke could see recognition in the student's eyes even if they hadn't yet been introduced.

Luke stopped and looked around in confusion. "What's going on?"

"Just packing everything up so I can move it." Jerry smiled tiredly.

"Move it?" Luke asked. "Where?"

"I'm not exactly sure yet. Just outta here." Jerry sighed as he stood up and twisted trying to relief the tension in his back.

Luke could feel the cold knot of fear starting to form in the pit of his stomach. "Where's Noah? Is he at OU, I know that it's Friday and he was supposed to give a lecture." He said as he started to turn to leave. He had to get to Noah as soon as possible.

"Hey wait. Noah's not at OU. He's not doing the lecture series." Jerry shook his head.

"Why not?" Luke asked in a shaking voice.

"I don't know. Things didn't work out the way he expected I guess." Jerry said as he bent over and started piling the pictures from the wall into a box."

"Where's Noah?" Luke asked. Fearing the answer.

"Saying goodbye, I think." Jerry said absently as he tired to sort the pictures into the right files.

Luke nearly staggered back against the wall. "What?"

"Yeah, I think he went over to WOAK to say goodbye . . . " Jerry looked up as he heard the door slam open and than shut behind the quickly retreating back of Luke.

He couldn't believe he had almost fell for it again. Almost been sucked into another round of 'pull me in and then push me away.' Luke slammed the car door shut and started up the engine and then put the car into reverse and quickly backed out of his parking spot. 'Well, so much for his I'll be waiting decelerations.'

He sailed through a red light and speed down the street. He was heading straight for WOAK because Noah wasn't going to leave this time without a full blown Luke Snyder bitching out. All the 'are you happy's' and heated looks and 'I'll be waiting' played over and over in his head as he pulled into the television station's parking lot.

He was running up the stairs and slamming through the front doors as his blood pressure raced and his temper raged. How could he have thought that they'd finally both grown up and were going to fight for this . . . this thing that they had. He was willing to fight again and Noah was running again.

Luke skidded to a halt as he entered the small bullpen area and he saw Noah standing there, shaking hands with a sad Kim and subdued Katie.

"Noah." Luke said in a strangely calm voice.

He quickly turned around with a confused look on his face. "Luke?"

Noah turned around and excused himself from the women. He turned back and quickly made his way across the floor. "Luke, what are you doing here . . ."

That was as far as Noah question got as Luke took three long strides, set himself and pulled back and punched Noah square in the jaw.

"Arghhhh!" Noah cried as he suddenly reeled back from the unexpected blow.

"Oh my God!" Luke could hear Kim cry in fear.

"Luke, what are you doing?!" Katie nearly screamed as she tried to steady a wobbly Noah.

A dazed Noah reached up to his face and pulled his hand away revealing a slight trickle of blood oozing out of the corner of his mouth. Noah hadn't taken his eyes off of Luke even as he had staggered back from the punch.

Luke suddenly had a flashback to a similarly delivered punch in Memorial, only he had felt good about punching Mason. Now, as he shook his fist trying to shake off the pain he was feeling in his knuckles he realized he wasn't going to be able to shake off the pain he was feeling in his heart as easily.

They both stood silently staring at each other. Luke was never one to be silent for long and he couldn't remain silent for very long this time either.

"Say something!" He yelled across the room at Noah.

Noah was standing there calmly as he tried to stop the flow of blood from his split lip. "What exactly do you want me to say, Luke?"

"What do I want you to say?!" Luke nearly shrieked. "How about the truth? How about you're leaving me again."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Noah said as he tried to take a step closer to Luke.

"Just stop it!" Luke snapped as he took a step back to keep the distance between them. "I talked to Jerry. I saw him packing up the office  
at the Foundation. He told me you were saying goodbye."

"Look, I don't know what you think you know but you're . . . " Noah began but was cut off by Luke.

"Reid and I break up and I decide that yes, I'm going to fight for this, for us and you're leaving again. Asshole!" Luke screamed, shaking all over with the anger and frustration he was feeling.

Luke watched in enraged amazement as Noah started smiling around his bloody lip.

"You broke up with Reid? You want to fight for us?" Noah couldn't help but ask and winced as the smile that was lighting up his face stretched his split lip.

It was like someone had dropped a red gauze curtain in front of Luke's vision as he glared at the smile on Noah's face. "Stop smiling! I made a mistake. Just go. Leave! Go back to LA like you were."

That caused Noah's smile to disappear. "What?"

"Yeah, run away again and leave me." Luke said as the tears finally started. "How many times am I suppose to be able to do this, Noah?"

Noah didn't even realize he had moved until he was grabbing Luke by his arms. "I wasn't leaving. Who told you I was?"

"Jerry told me. You're leaving. You gave up your position at OU." Luke tried to stop the tears that were streaming down his face but it seemed that he didn't have any control of his body at the moment.

Luke looked up in confusion as he feels Noah's body softly shaking. He realizes that it's from Noah laughing quietly.

"Stop laughing!" He tried to pull away but can't get away from Noah's strong hold on his arms.

"I'm not leaving. I quit OU because I got a job here at WOAK. I'm not leaving until you figure out you're in love with me and want to come with me when I go back to LA. I told you I wasn't leaving. I told you I'd be waiting for you."

"You weren't leaving? Really?" Luke whispers in almost an imperceptible voice. Fear slowly giving way to something else.

"Really. Kim wants to retire and I took the position for the next six months until they can find a replacement for her. I figured in six months I'd have worn you down and you would have to finally admit we belong together." Noah whispered right back.

"And if you hadn't worn me down after six months, what then?" Luke asked shyly, his tears forgotten.

Noah stepped closer and looked down into Luke's eyes, lost all over again. "I know we belong together and there's no way I'm not getting you back, Snyder."

Luke takes a slow, steading breath. "It might take a while for us to get back to . . . us."

Noah leaned in and softly rested his forehead against Luke's. "I told you before, I'll be waiting."

They stood there both listening to the soft sounds of each other's breathing. A thought suddenly flashed through Luke's dazed mind and he slowly pulls away just enough to see Noah's eyes. "Are you happy?"

Noah's head snaps back in slight shock at having his question thrown back at him. As he gazes into Luke's shining eyes he realizes that he's never been happier in his life.

"Happy doesn't even begin to cover it." Noah sighs as their lips gently find each other. Their first kiss back to each other.

**_The End_**

**Epilogue**

**** The flashing of the cameras was shocking. Freezing them like deers in car headlights and the thing is, they weren't even pointed at them. Luke and Noah stood still, frozen in place at a loss as to what they were supposed to be doing. Noah hadn't expected to feel this nervous at his first Academy Awards ceremony, because it wasn't suppose to be happening this soon in his career.

Career? He didn't even officially have a career yet. He had completed his senior project, graduated from OU, come back to Oakdale and Luke because of Emma's funeral and made the PSA for housing discrimination for the foundation. PSA was how it started of course.

It soon expanded and lengthened after Lily and Lucinda had seen it. Luke encouraging him all along the way. The PSA had quickly become a documentary short. They had planned on showing it at various foundation events and using it as a promotional piece. That was until Lucinda Walsh happened.

Lucinda Walsh, who Noah was positive could put any Hollywood agent to shame, decided that his documentary just needed to be seen by more people. People that included old friend Robert. As in Sundance Film Festival, Robert Redford. Who knew Lucinda even knew Hollywood types?

"I know everyone, dear." She had said with an evil smile in reply.

That had started the whirlwind that the last 17 months had been. Noah had stupidly, although predictably as Luke kept telling him, refused at first to even send the committee at Sundance a copy of his film. He was stubbornly determined not to ride on the coattails of Luke or his family's rich and well connected name.

That had lasted until his advisor, Audrey, had called him. He sat listening in shock at her lecture about everyone in the business using any connection they had and that he should stop being a total and complete ass. Then Luke had gotten a hold of him.

Nothing was as persuasive as Luke Snyder. First, trying to talk sense into his boyfriend's thick skull and when that didn't work he brought out the big guns. Sex. Or more precisely, the lack thereof.

It had been six months since the fight in WOAK that had finally brought them full circle and back together. Since then they had basically been inseparable. They quickly were back together and within weeks were living together in Lucinda's cottage.

They had thought it would be awkward living in the home that he and Ameera had once shared, but they had already decided that when Noah went back to LA Luke was going with him. So why sign a lease for a place they would only need for a few months.

They solved the awkward issue by forcing any memory of Ameera out by a long weekend making love in any and all rooms and on all horizontal surface.

Needless to say, Noah lasted all of a week under the "Luke Snyder - No Sex Until You've Wised Up" plan. Even he had to admit after some additional conversations with Holden and Lily that this was how the game was played.

He had strictly forbid Lucinda to do anything else in regards to Sundance. That had won him a gentle pat on his cheek by a ring covered hand and a "Of course, my dear Boy" for his trouble.

So here he was on the Red Carpet of the Oscars standing with an equally stunned boyfriend as they watched dozens of paparazzi snap off pictures of the celebrities in front of them.

"God, Noah." Luke breathed out barely heard above the calls from photographers and fans alike. "I'm kind of glad that the 'Best Documentary, Short' isn't that well known."

Noah could feel Luke's body gently tremble against his own as they stood awaiting their turn to head down the gauntlet that was the Red Carpet.

He squeezed his arm that he had around Luke's hip tighter and turned to smile down at the man by this side. "Here, I thought you would be all for this glitz."

Luke met his gaze with a slightly dazed one of this own. Feeling Noah's grip tightened seemed to steady Luke. A breathtaking smile broke out on his face and Noah suddenly was lost in that smile.

"I'm all for walking with my brilliant, gorgeous boyfriend to pick up his first Oscar in his long career." Luke leaned in, resting his forehead against Noah's. "It's just a little overwhelming."

"Yeah." Noah whispered as he gently kissed Luke's forehead and slowly drew back and saw that soft smile still on Luke's lips.

"Noah? Noah Mayer?" A voice asked from the bedlam in front of them drawing them out of their little cocoon of peace and tranquility.

They both turned to watch as a young, good looking may broke away from the group in front of them and walked smiling toward them.

"Jude Law?" Luke whispered in shock as the man came to a stop in front of them and reached out to shake Noah's hand.

"Jude." Noah smiled nervously.

"I thought that was your name when I saw it on the list of nominees for documentaries." The actor said as he looked at Luke standing next to Noah. "And this must be your Luke."

The smiling actor reached and grabbed Luke's almost lifeless hand up in a firm handshake.

Luke's head snapped around to look inquiringly at Noah. He was shocked at the fact that the famous actor even knew his name.

Noah was blushing. "I might have mentioned you a few times."

"A few?" Jude chuckled as he let go of Luke's hand. "The man's in love who could fault him. Although, maybe your advisor, Mason."

The sudden freezing of Noah's smile and Luke's hastily cleared throat didn't go unnoticed.

"Sorry." Jude smiled shyly as he shoved his hands into his pant pockets. "Sore subject?

Noah quickly reached over and intertwined his fingers with Luke's. "No. He just didn't turn out to be who we thought he was."

A flash of some emotion shoot across Jude's face. So quickly, in fact, that Luke almost thought he had imagined it.

Jude looked down quietly. "You know, this isn't the movie you and Mason pitched me. Is that part of what happened?"

Noah squeezed Luke's hand as much to assure Luke as it was to comfort himself. "Part of it. It's a long story."

"Noah." Jude seemed to hesitate but then seemed to come to a silent decision. "I was honestly shocked when you showed up at our meeting with Mason as your college advisor. Mason's kind of has a certain reputation in the industry and I was surprised a college would actually hire him as a professor."

Luke and Noah glanced at one another, both realizing just how many people Mason had really taken in.

"Yeah, he fooled a lot of people." Luke said sadly.

"Well, I'm glad you got out of it and away from him, Noah." Jude smiled. "And I see that Luke wrote the screenplay for your documentary. Keep it up and you two will be a powerhouse in this town."

The rest of Jude's statement was suddenly lost on Noah as he turned and was caught by yet another breathtaking smile on Luke's face. Noah stood mesmerized by that smile. Jude's casual mention of Mason had brought back all the memories from that horrible summer and the resulting accident that had robbed him of his sight. As he watched Luke and the actor talk, Noah marveled at Luke's smile and realized that that smile had been one of the most important things he feared he would never see again when he was blind.

The smile that Luke could convey so much with. His happiness, his love, his support, his pride. Everything Luke felt could always be seen in that smile.

"Noah?" Luke's soft question broke though his thoughts.

He realized that both Luke and Jude were looking at him in a quizzical manner. Luke again with a smile, this time conveying amusement.

"Babe, where were you?" He asked in a shy whisper.

"Just thinking about how much I love you." Noah smiled back and watched as a blush appeared on his boyfriend's embarrassed face.

"Told you, Luke." Jude laughed. "The man's in love."

Luke squeezed Noah's hand were their fingers were still entwined.

"Good luck, Noah." Jude reached out again and shook hands with Noah again. "And great meeting you, Luke."

They watched as Jude flowed back into the sea of paparazzi flashes.

"I can't believe we were just talking with Jude Law on the Red Carpet at the Oscars and you're spacing out. You big dork." Luke said as he playfully slapped Noah on the forearm.

They started down the Red Carpet at the direction of a personal assistant and immediately the camera's started flashing. They made their way slowly down answering the occasional question when someone, a reporter, actually recognized them.

Luke seemed in his element as he easily answered the questions and Noah stood marveling at the wonder that was Luke Snyder.

He watched as Luke answered the same question for the fifth time. Never seeming to be annoyed at the same questions, same off-handed remarks. Taking it all in stride and dealing with the whole circus that was the Oscar's Red Carpet.

They entered the theater hand-in-hand and the nerves Noah expected to feel weren't there. He was excited and eager to a degree to see if his and Luke's hard work would bring them a win but any nervousness was erased each time he looked at Luke and saw that smile and felt his hand in his own.

He realized as they sat through the beginning of the opening monologue that the wasn't even paying attention because the discussion with Jude kept creeping back. 'The man's in love. Who could fault him.'

He was in love. All consuming, fill his heart to the breaking point love and the reminder of how all of that almost slipped away still shocked him.

He sat watching as Luke was like a kid, watching wide-eyed as each category was announced and betting quietly with Noah who would win. Before Noah even realized it his category was the next up after the commercial break.

If possible, Luke seemed more nervous and excited than he was. He didn't seem to be able to sit still. Luke caught his stare again.

"What?" He smiled that smile again.

Noah swallowed the lump that suddenly and inexplicably appeared in his dry throat

_ Ring. Ring. Ring,_

Luke jumped at the soft buzz that was his cell phone going off and quickly pulled it out of his breast pocket. He smiled a not so guilty Snyder smile. "Of course, we're sitting at the Academy Awards and mom's got to call."

He looked around covertly and answered.

"Mom, we're kind of busy right now." Luke whispered, winking at Noah.

"Honey, we know Noah's category is up next but we just wanted to say good luck." Lily nervously rambled off.

"Luke!" He could hear Faith's teenage squeal in the back ground. "We saw you guys on the TV."

"Faith said she saw us on the television." Luke relayed as he covered the receiver and glanced at this boyfriend who was quietly smiling.

"Mom says good luck, by the way." Luke added belatedly.

"Noah looked great." Faith continued.

"What am I, Justin Bieber?" Luke laughed.

Noah sat transfixed by the scene playing out in front of him. He was at this first awards ceremony and the only thing he was thinking was how crazy it was that Luke was on the phone with his family, their family, discussing who looked hotter. At that moment, Noah knew that this was how he always wanted it to be.

He wanted Luke to always be there to share in his accomplishments along with his disappointments. If the whole mess with Mason, the accident, and Reid had taught him anything it was that he didn't, couldn't, wake up another morning or go to sleep another night not knowing that Luke would be there at this side through everything.

The swell of the orchestra music warned everyone in the auditorium that they were coming out of a commercial break.

"Mom, I got to go." Luke tried to cut his mom off.

**_ "Presenting the Academy Aware for Best Documentary Short are . . . "_**

"Mom!" Luke whispered more fiercely.

"Luke." Noah whispered as he placed his hand on Luke's where it sat on the armrest between their seats.

"I know, babe." Luke looked over and was shocked by the tears sitting unshed in Noah's eyes. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"Luke, what's wrong with Noah?" They could both hear Lily's high pitched question over the cell phone.

**_ "And the nominees for Best Documentary Short are . . ."_**

"Talk to me, baby." Luke gripped Noah's arm. Fear suddenly springing up at the look on Noah's face.

"Luke, I love you so much." Noah began knowing this was the completely wrong time and absolutely the perfect time. "I don't ever want another day to pass without your smile greeting me."

**_ " 'A Home of Our Own? A View of America's Last Acceptable Form of Discrimination.' Director, Noah Mayer. Screenwriter, Luke E. Snyder . . ."_**

"Noah?" Luke was confused. They were announcing their category but what was coming out of Noah's mouth had nothing whatsoever to do with it.

"I don't want to ever face anything without you at my side again."

"OH. MY. GOD!" Lily nearly screamed. "Luke, is Noah proposing?"

"Mom, what!" Faith and Natalie's voices could be heard in the background.

Luke was having trouble connecting what he was hearing from Noah in front of him to what his mother and sister's voices were just asking. He sat, staring into Noah's eyes. Eyes that now seemed to be boring into his soul.

"Noah . . . " He began.

"Luke! Is he? I mean, he's really asking you at the Academy Awards of all . . . " Lily's voice was suddenly cut off in mid-sentence when Luke snapped the cell phone shut without taking his eyes away from Noah's.

"Are you, Noah?" He whispered the question almost too softly for even himself to hear.

Noah breathed in nervously. "Will you marrying me, Luke Snyder?"

**_ "And the winner of the 84th Academy Award is . . . "_**

And on Sunday, February 26, 2012 Noah Mayer and Luke Snyder won in more ways than just one.

**_The End_**


End file.
